KNOWING

There are different levels of awareness people possess, how they perceive others, and also how others perceive them. Some things are a matter of perception. We cannot continually go around always worrying about offending others or we'd be a neurotic mess. It also requires growing thick skin, or perhaps learning to be tolerant of others.

The longer I exist on this planet the more amazed (and confused) I grow regarding the complexity of human behavior and emotions. We all have a lot to learn about ourselves and others. Be open, do not judge, ask yourself did someone intend to be inconsiderate and hurtful or are they just unaware. It is often hard to give someone feedback without hurting their feelings. How sensitive we all can be.

We all have our issues, and they are different for each one of us. Awareness of what your issues are requires self knowledge; what kinds of things push your buttons. My list is long and I will not go into the details however most recently I seem to allow myself to be bothered most by "know it alls". I actually believe people might not even know when they are behaving that way and no one is likely to tell them, so how are they to know?

HIGH BEAMS

I do not like driving in the dark anymore. Apparently for some of us the aging process includes "night blindness".
My employer allows workers to utilize flex time so we can set our own work schedules within certain guidelines. It gets dark very early up here in the forgotten land of Northern New York. By around 4:30 PM the long dismal shadows cast their dark blanket on the frozen tundra. Okay I'm exaggerating a little about the frozen tundra but this is the snow belt and the temperatures do dip into the subzero at times. So right now I am ending my workday at 4:oo so I can drive home before the light of day has completely faded into darkness. It sounds more than wimpy that I have begun to avoid night driving. I do it if I have to but the extent of it is now limited to familiar road ways near home.
I have experienced my fair share of white knuckle rides home during heavy snowfall and enjoyable it is not. I drive a Jeep Cherokee with four wheel drive which definitely helps keep me on the road but if it starts to snow really heavily and the visibility grows poor I slow down to 30 miles an hour so I don't end up in the ditch. Last year there were times when I was shaking by the time I slid into the driveway.
The other major danger is hitting a deer as they seem to enjoy bounding out of the woods without a cautious gaze to check if any machines are hurling toward them.It is prudent to focus peripheral vision along the roadsides for the telltale animal eyes. You know that expression "like a deer caught in the headlights!" People have actually been maimed and injured by flying deer carcasses landing on the hood of their vehicle smashing the windshield. I am not making this up nor exaggerating.
So here I am trying to drive home on the snow covered roads, slowing down to a cautious speed, vigilant in my quest to spot any stampeding deer when some yahoo in a large pickup truck decides he will try to pass me traveling 50 mph. Let 'em, as I spew a nasty epithet about their ancestry. I will lower my high beams as a courtesy and hope they have a safe trip home too.

New Glasses

Contacts are not for me. I realize it probably ages my appearance somewhat, however I have deluded myself into believing it makes me look smart. I have fairly good health benefits so I am able to get two pairs of new glasses every year. If you wear glasses every day it's nice to change what you look at in the mirror.

At about age forty I was informed by my optometrist that I needed bifocals. I nearly had a fit right there in his office. I was not happy with the news. When people begin to realize they need to keep adding more distance between themselves and the reading material and their arms are not going to grow any longer it's time to give up and do what you have to do.

I keep one pair as my office glasses and my second pair are the transition lenses that darken when you go outside in the sun. I love them but sometimes if you are going in and out of dark places and then back again into the sunlight it takes a little while for the lens color to adjust.

I get frustrated sometimes about the tightness behind my ears bothering me after awhile, like right now. It is usually after wearing the same glasses all day so sometimes I reposition them over my ears and they will stay on. If I go have the glasses adjusted to fit looser then they are always slipping down my nose and if I bend over they fall off my face.

So why don't I just get contacts or laser surgery? I've always had this aversion about anything going too close to my eyes. When my daughters were being fitted for their contacts I had to step outside the office because I couldn't bear to watch something being inserted in their eyes. So I doubt I'd ever be able to tolerate a Dr. or someone messing about with a laser beam. I guess I'll just have to keep wearing my old fashioned Ben Franklins. I guess if it's good enough for Jordy LaForge it's good enough for me.

Crowd Control

....the longer I live far away from the urban environment of the fast lane the less tolerance I have for crowds. Even in the rural area I reside in occasionally encountering a crowd becomes this challenge of who or what is going to piss me off. I realize I have issues with personal space but even taking that into account some people are just so unaware of their behavior that I wax incredulous.

If a bunch of people are all walking in the same direction whether it is toward an exit or just the flow and momentum of the crowd do not stop abruptly to chat with people. Move to the side and avoid obstructing other people's paths. This would also include possessing the awareness that someone might be in close proximity and you should look around behind you before making a sudden move forwards, backwards, or sideways, not swing your arms around. If you accidentally bump someone offer a polite excuse me but honestly people do not seem to have any clue about this.

If you are in a store browsing or intending to buy something be aware that someone else may have the same nearby intention, be purposeful or yield some space.. That would again require a level of awareness which isn't an unrealistic expectation while out in public. I will acquiesce and step away for someone who needs to reach for an item close by me on a shelf but do not reach over me. I swear one of these times I will bite someone like a rabid dog. I definitely feel like growling sometimes, grrrrr!

Do not act loud or boisterous when there are other people close or nearby. I really do not want to hear about your argument with your mother or boyfriend or a joke about something inconsequential to me. Teenagers are notorious for this type of transgression and I will even be reasonable and take this into account and smile as I pass by but do not start laughing hysterically when I am an arms length away.Be aware of your immediate surroundings. Is that too much to ask.

There are times when I have actually extended my arm out to protect myself from someone else who is unaware of my presence and is about to bump me. My facial expression tends to be a frozen smile with veiled annoyance. How can you not be aware of your immediate surroundings?

Next week I will be traveling which will include being herded like cattle thru the security lines at the airport. I intend to be polite to my fellow travellers and would like the same behavior reciprocated but I think it will likely be a challange so maybe I should just take a chill pill and block out as much of the experience as I can. I will not cut into any lines and I hope no one does that to me or my frozen smile may crack or maybe I'll just start to growl. Oops I better not do that or someone from the TSA might think I'm losing it and jerk me out of line.

Sometimes it is just necessary to rant. And oh by the way, get out of my way! I do not consider myself anymore important that the next person but behaving in a civil manner out in public is something people no longer seem to expect from one another.......

Food is Love

I have been realizing over time that my love of cooking is really a way I show my love to family and friends. I love to prepare food that my family will enjoy and appreciate. When I don't feel like cooking I don't. There are times when I have worked all day and I'm not the least bit interested and thankfully my husband is usually able and willing to cook a meal. He has certain dishes he is good at making and he also enjoys cooking.

I guess I consider it a labor of love. It is also a way to express my self creatively and try new recipes. Some will become part of my repertoire and other not so delectable creations will be abandoned. Not everything has to be from scratch. There is nothing wrong with taking a few shortcuts. If company is coming though I tend to go all out and often times cook too much food but then there are always leftovers to pick at for a few days.

I don't enjoy the cleanup from one of my cooking sessions but dirty pots and pans have to be dealt with. Actually, I'm a clean as you go person so I try not to let things pile up if possible.
Using a microwave is not cooking, it's reheating. Opening a can of something is not cooking. I confess I keep some frozen entrees in my freezer as backup especially when I don't feel like cooking.

People rave about my spaghetti sauce and I will make a large batch and freeze some of it. I do not have one of those large freezers so I am somewhat limited by the space I have in our regular freezer compartment. Sometimes I will bake ahead for the holidays but have to be strategic about the space available.

I like to make a pot of chili, including potato skins and chicken wings for the Super Bowl. Sometimes though I don't like to repeat myself so I'll go with crab cakes and Jambalaya.
At Christmas I tend to cook a turkey with all the traditional side dishes especially since we are usually away at Thanksgiving so I have to make up for that (according to my husband). I'm the only one that likes home made cranberry sauce but I make it anyway. I love to bake some holiday pies but I am not proficient at making pie crusts so I have a shortcut with a boxed mix crust.I usually make an apple pie and also blueberry and pumpkin. My holiday fudge has improved over the past couple of years.

This past weekend the youngest daughter came home for a few days visit and she jokingly complained she tends to gain weight whenever she comes home so she is glad she doesn't have to live with us anymore or she'd be "huge". I cooked chicken enchiladas which I have made on several occasions and people always seem to like that dish. I do not make it overly spicy but my husband splashes on all kinds of hot sauces. I also baked some chocolate chip cookies and an apple pie. We had some guests for Sunday brunch including blueberry muffins, and chocolate chip pancakes. Now I have a refrigerator full of left overs which we will probably be eating a few days this week. I just do not like to waste food.

I think I will probably take a few days off from cooking.

Fall Season

If I were a poet I would scribe an ode to fall, but alas rhyme is not one of my explicit talents. I enjoy the ride to work everyday observing the changing colors of the leaves, vivid orange, fiery red, dazzling yellow. Sometimes I've let my attention wander to the vistas of the fields and stand of trees showing off their plumage of blazing hues along the sides of the road. I think the deer are in cahoots with fall because they are leaping and running all over the country side as I make my may to and from work. There are wild turkeys strutting their stuff across the nearby landscape. Unfortunately though there has also been momentous amounts of "road kill", little creatures mashed into the pavement who didn't quite make it across the road.

The smell of fall is unique. Not quite the odor of dying vegetation, but a crispness in the air, frost's harbinger signaling time to rake the leaves and bring in the lawn furniture. Bright orange pumpkins, hearty mums set out on the front porch welcoming visitors to hearth and home.The near naked trees no longer hiding the house from the street. Soon it will be time to forage for the snow scraper and shovel in anticipation of the first early warnings of winter.

Regretfully, there are some less hearty souls afflicted with the seasonal pattern of depression who look upon fall as the precursor of winter and all the challenges of frigid temperatures and the falling of snow. Either way it's time to snuggle up to the wood burning stove and reclaim the corduroys and sweaters packed away in their plastic bins in the attic.

The children are now all grown up and I miss so much the excited preparations for Halloween. I so enjoyed planning and helping make the costumes, Freddy Krueger, witches and ghosts and of course a skeleton. Now all I have are pictures and remembrances of trick or treat.

When I was a kid, I harbor fond memories of our families and neighbors efforts raking the leaves. My intent was always to build a large enough pile to jump and roll around in. My parents would burn the piles of leaves at the curb in front of our house and I can still recall the scent of the burning leaves and my friends and I nearly scattering the orderly piles by our playing and then having to scoop them up again so they could be incinerated. The smoke never seemed to bother my eyes, instead enjoying fantasies of sending smoke signals to the Indians.

It's time to drag out the crock pot and concoct a hearty stew or soup. A little baking will be done and the confections frozen for the Thanksgiving holiday. The warm heat from the kitchen stove will be comforting as the nights begin to grow chilly and no complaints about there being brownies or muffins to eat.

Fall is the season that is a prelude to the long cold winter. A time to read books, sewing projects and of course free time to devote to the technological muse of the computer.

The Skill of People Watching

Observing visual cues are a very important aspect regarding our perceptions and observations about our world. We all probably have some level of skill observing people's body language however some of us have more skill than others. Anecdotally, I find those who lack that specific awareness as probably the most capable of annoying others (or myself).

When some one's posture is stiff or rigid it can mean many things including someone who might be experiencing pain or discomfort or perhaps feeling some level of frustration or tension. Further clues would include facial grimace or a tight clench of the fist. Maybe it's time to run in the other direction but first look at the eyes because that can often be the telltale sign of reading the emotion or by looking at the person's facial expression.

It doesn't seem overly difficult to be able to read another person's facial expression or perhaps my experience or practice makes me more proficient in that area. Part of this involves eye contact. I get very nervous with someone who doesn't make eye contact with me. What are they trying to hide? Self conscious people have difficulty making eye contact and this can often be misread as rudeness or disinterest. Some people also believe that when people are not being truthful they are not able to maintain eye contact. A good sociopath probably can fool us though.

When you are speaking with someone you can usually tell how interested they are by how they maintain eye contact, nod their head, or hold a stationary position. I've witnessed people walk away as you are trying to talk and engage them and if this happens it's fairly certain they are not interested in what you are saying so stop trying.

People are not that difficult to read if you take the time to observe their behavior. Of course you can make some wrong guesses but it's also possible you might have some success at surmising a person's mood or intent. Isn't that sort of true of animals too? When a dog wags its tale doesn't that mean he's probably friendly? Unfortunately people do not have a tail to wag and don't usually bite.