Nationalism ?

There were times in the not too distant past that I was reticent about disclosing my country of origin while travelling. I think it may have been shortly after the 911 terrorist attack that Americans did not always feel safe or welcome in some foreign lands. I warned my family as we travelled to "act like you are Canadian". I realized it is probably rather difficult to hide the fact that you are an American because apparently we are easy to spot, sometimes not for the right reasons either.

While watching the Olympics on television over the past week or so I began to reach the conclusion that besides it being about sports and athletic achievement it appeared to reflect a nationalistic appetite which was sometimes bloated and gluttonous. ( I've heard that said about us Americans.) I think athletes have a right to rejoice and celebrate when they have won their event but as a country should we really take collective credit for their achievements. This sense of nationalism has grown exaggerated, misplaced and tiresome.

The amount of money dedicated to supporting the various teams, coaches, equipment and travel is obscene. Why is it so very important for Russia to prove they are a great country by winning a medal in figure skating or for South Korea or China to prove they are superior by winning or going fast around an ice track or bobsled down a dangerous course? That does not necessarily prove they are a great country ( especially when it comes to their record on human rights).Don't misunderstand the point of my message. I am not suggesting we abolish the Olympics. I just think it needs to be put in the correct context. The competition should be about who is the best athlete not necessarily the best country. However, I think it is rather embarrassing trying to justify the amount of money spent on all of this when you consider the economic climate around the world and the existence of poverty, war, terrorism and the recovery from the disaster in Haiti.

I found myself glued to the TV set on Sunday afternoon watching the USA vs Canada hockey game. It was an exciting hockey game and Canada seemed to need to prove they are superior to the US in hockey and the bragging rights associated with it. It was just a hockey game folks. I think some of us are a little bit mixed up about expressing our nationalism through the athletic activities associated with the Olympics.

I am not a flag waving anthem singing resident of the United States and thankfully, I no longer feel I have to hide the fact I am an American while travelling.

food for the mind

I feel compelled to read everyday as a way to nourish my mind. The power of imagination can be monumental. It reminds me of time travel, a journey to some where else based on the author's telling of his or her story. I sometimes covet those who have the talent of the written word and can construct a different reality where there was none before. The essence of creativity.

I feel like I have been to many places in the world, and yes sometimes other worlds too. The descriptions of people, places and situations can feel uncannily real. Whether it is just to escape for a few moments in time or perhaps a bit of distraction, it doesn't really matter.

I do not recall exactly when my appetite for books began to grow however I do recall joining a summer reading program at the town library that whetted my appetite when I was probably around age nine. We won little stickers every time we finished a book. During warm summer days when the tide was out at the beach I would find a shady tree and read my books and time would seem to melt into oblivion.... I think I went through quite a few books that summer and the librarian seemed incredulous about the level I was reading on.

I have read my way through varied gendres yet still to this day I still enjoy science fiction and the early writings of Poe, Burroughs, and Lovecraft. I believe the imagination and creativity it takes to create these types of stories is amazing. Of course I cannot take the time here to list all my favorite authors and books because it is quite an eclectic collection which I continue to add to.

I remember my mother once telling me "you will always have a friend by reading books". I think she may have been trying to tell me I would never be bored or lonely if I allowed my love of reading to sustain me. There have been times in my life when that fact was probably true. I've often joked with family and friends, you could drop me off on a deserted island with a box of books and it would take me awhile before I would begin to miss anyone.

Nostalgia

I believe our minds can sometimes play a cruel trick on some of us. Memories can represent a slippery slope of inaccuracy. There are many fond memories I have of my years past but sometimes I wonder if over time they have morphed into my own version of reality rather than what really took place.

Face Book has been an opportunity to re-connect with old friends and share memories of the good times growing up and commonality of experiences. But was it or is it really the good ol' days or just what my mind permits me to remember? Granted, I do have some painful memories of an awkward childhood, most of us do to some degree, I guess. But remembering the fun times is definitely where I'd rather be.

We lose touch with our pals from a long time ago and there are often muddled reasons why, but people do drift at certain stages of their lives mostly because of different pursuits and life choices. We are not the same people we once were. (Thank goodness for that, REALLY!)

So what was I like as a child? Definitely not a younger version of who I am now as an adult. I enjoyed a very active imagination which most likely involved a certain degree of escapism from family dysfunction. That is sometimes a painful subject but what I know is that over coming adversity can often become triumph. I do not think many of us had a perfect family life growing up and those who had something near that did not necessarily become a predictor of stability or achievement either.

I was fortunate to grow up in a safe neighborhood where every one watched out for one another and children could play freely without worry. If we got hurt it was usually because we did something crazy or stupid. I remember spending alot of time playing outside with the other children and it involved alot of physical activity that constitutes "play". Do kids even know these days what play really is?

Emotions play a major role in what we choose to remember. Unresolved issues, sometimes referred to as baggage can weigh us down but awareness of what we each struggle with and our tendencies can be a useful tool towards self understanding and self acceptance.

I've read this over now and it sounds like a term paper for some Psych 101 course on Personality and Development. That was not my intent. I've just been thinking alot lately about past memories and sometimes find myself drifting into troubled waters. Could it just be my own existential journey of defining who I am or what I have turned out to be? For now though, I think I'll just enjoy reuniting with some old friends on FB and regale each other with funny things we did and trouble we got into, and maybe just leave it at that for now if at all humanly possible.

Hair today, gone tomorrow

Life's embarrassing moments recently caught up with me. I admit there is a monumental fickle side of me which actually is not readily apparent. It involves my serial rotation of hair stylists over the past twenty years. I've lost count how many different ones there have been and my reasons for moving on and trying someone else were oddly superficial and capricious. Perhaps I just grew bored and wanted to try someone new. There was never any conflict or misunderstanding just my eventual disappearance and vanishing act. No explanation whatsoever, the girl has moved on.

A disparate ideal that hair stylists seem to possess is the notion that their patrons will stay loyal to them. In my case I acknowledge a lack of fidelity, unabashed whim, wanting to see what the next cosmetician has to offer. Most of the hair dressers I have had were very nice and had pleasant personalities. Their only sin perhaps is allowing complacency to occur, familiarity leading to a less exciting okayness and loss of edgy excitement involving my tresses.

So today I sneak out of work (official time off arranged), however it is so delicious to just walk out the door early to pamper oneself a tiny bit. I arrive at the hair salon and my stylist is just finishing up with her previous customer. There are always things to discuss and safe topics far from politics and religion to weigh in on including celebrity gossip and post holiday settling down of winter. I believe that a successful hair dresser probably has well developed social skills and allows their customer to ramble on and set the tone of the conversation. Nothing too involved, after all it is a beauty parlor. She gives me a nice hair cut which I acknowledge appreciably and leave a generous tip. Off I go and a stop at the local grocery store before I head for home to cook dinner.

Who do I encounter in the grocery isle but my former hair dresser. She looks at me and smiles and behaves exceedingly polite and gracious at our unplanned rendezvous. We chat about the holidays, make small talk and rather quickly run out of nice things to say. I am absolutely mortified because it is quite evident by my well coiffed appearance I just left the hair salon. I stammer embarrassingly and we part. I appreciated her diplomacy but would have liked to apologize but then my explanation would have been altogether awkward. What can I say, "I just wasn't feeling it anymore".

Coincidences like that are karma's way of keeping us on our toes, but let's not split hairs.

KNOWING

There are different levels of awareness people possess, how they perceive others, and also how others perceive them. Some things are a matter of perception. We cannot continually go around always worrying about offending others or we'd be a neurotic mess. It also requires growing thick skin, or perhaps learning to be tolerant of others.

The longer I exist on this planet the more amazed (and confused) I grow regarding the complexity of human behavior and emotions. We all have a lot to learn about ourselves and others. Be open, do not judge, ask yourself did someone intend to be inconsiderate and hurtful or are they just unaware. It is often hard to give someone feedback without hurting their feelings. How sensitive we all can be.

We all have our issues, and they are different for each one of us. Awareness of what your issues are requires self knowledge; what kinds of things push your buttons. My list is long and I will not go into the details however most recently I seem to allow myself to be bothered most by "know it alls". I actually believe people might not even know when they are behaving that way and no one is likely to tell them, so how are they to know?

HIGH BEAMS

I do not like driving in the dark anymore. Apparently for some of us the aging process includes "night blindness".
My employer allows workers to utilize flex time so we can set our own work schedules within certain guidelines. It gets dark very early up here in the forgotten land of Northern New York. By around 4:30 PM the long dismal shadows cast their dark blanket on the frozen tundra. Okay I'm exaggerating a little about the frozen tundra but this is the snow belt and the temperatures do dip into the subzero at times. So right now I am ending my workday at 4:oo so I can drive home before the light of day has completely faded into darkness. It sounds more than wimpy that I have begun to avoid night driving. I do it if I have to but the extent of it is now limited to familiar road ways near home.
I have experienced my fair share of white knuckle rides home during heavy snowfall and enjoyable it is not. I drive a Jeep Cherokee with four wheel drive which definitely helps keep me on the road but if it starts to snow really heavily and the visibility grows poor I slow down to 30 miles an hour so I don't end up in the ditch. Last year there were times when I was shaking by the time I slid into the driveway.
The other major danger is hitting a deer as they seem to enjoy bounding out of the woods without a cautious gaze to check if any machines are hurling toward them.It is prudent to focus peripheral vision along the roadsides for the telltale animal eyes. You know that expression "like a deer caught in the headlights!" People have actually been maimed and injured by flying deer carcasses landing on the hood of their vehicle smashing the windshield. I am not making this up nor exaggerating.
So here I am trying to drive home on the snow covered roads, slowing down to a cautious speed, vigilant in my quest to spot any stampeding deer when some yahoo in a large pickup truck decides he will try to pass me traveling 50 mph. Let 'em, as I spew a nasty epithet about their ancestry. I will lower my high beams as a courtesy and hope they have a safe trip home too.

New Glasses

Contacts are not for me. I realize it probably ages my appearance somewhat, however I have deluded myself into believing it makes me look smart. I have fairly good health benefits so I am able to get two pairs of new glasses every year. If you wear glasses every day it's nice to change what you look at in the mirror.

At about age forty I was informed by my optometrist that I needed bifocals. I nearly had a fit right there in his office. I was not happy with the news. When people begin to realize they need to keep adding more distance between themselves and the reading material and their arms are not going to grow any longer it's time to give up and do what you have to do.

I keep one pair as my office glasses and my second pair are the transition lenses that darken when you go outside in the sun. I love them but sometimes if you are going in and out of dark places and then back again into the sunlight it takes a little while for the lens color to adjust.

I get frustrated sometimes about the tightness behind my ears bothering me after awhile, like right now. It is usually after wearing the same glasses all day so sometimes I reposition them over my ears and they will stay on. If I go have the glasses adjusted to fit looser then they are always slipping down my nose and if I bend over they fall off my face.

So why don't I just get contacts or laser surgery? I've always had this aversion about anything going too close to my eyes. When my daughters were being fitted for their contacts I had to step outside the office because I couldn't bear to watch something being inserted in their eyes. So I doubt I'd ever be able to tolerate a Dr. or someone messing about with a laser beam. I guess I'll just have to keep wearing my old fashioned Ben Franklins. I guess if it's good enough for Jordy LaForge it's good enough for me.