Thursday, February 5, 2009

Good Morning! Shut up and leave me alone.

I had to give up caffeine several years ago when I began to realize it was effecting my sleep pattern and causing me to feel "wired". I noticed that it was taking me a long time to fall asleep at night and there were occasions when I was laying awake in bed trying various techniques to induce slumber (no nasty thoughts please). You can't function very long with disrupted sleep but I know quite a few individuals who survive on only a few hours each night. That isn't me. When I was in my teens I would engage in marathon sleep sessions until my mother would come in to my room and check to see if I was still breathing. I used to enjoy sleeping " in" on the weekends which is nearly impossible and unrealistic when you are raising children.
I seem to do okay with about 6 1/2 hours sleep each night but 8 is even better. I am not one of those people that wakes up in the morning all chipper and lively. When I first wake up it takes me awhile to figure out what day it is and then once I realize it isn't the weekend I start to convince myself to assume the position (upright), and stare blankly at nothing imparticular, dangling my legs off the side of the bed. I have been known to utter nonsense and confusion, likely related to the last thing I was dreaming. The other morning I woke up in my usual catatonic stupor and began to relate that the circus had come to town and there were no parking spaces. My husband is used to this behavior by now and tends to just go with the flow and will offer a benign comment , "oh that's interesting".
In order to further orient myself I will sometimes totter over and look out the window and check to see what the weather is outside. Lately it usually involves snow and cold temperatures.For part of the winter it was even more disconcerting because it was dark outside when it was time to get up at 6:30AM. Lately it has been getting lighter out in the morning and it also stays light out till 5:30 - 6:00 in the evening which makes it an easier ride home after work.
In the summertime we have our windows open and the birds will start chirping out as soon as the early dawn shows its light and it is hard to ignore the crows plaintive caws. By the way, I really dislike crows and consider them evil.
Suffice to say I am not a morning person. When the children were young and needed to get up for school it became my husband's job to interact with them and supervise because Mommy wasn't quite that swift. When I would try to help it usually would not be a good thing because I was unable to absorb details nor operate my motor functions. They still like to tell the story about how I was really trying but ended up pouring orange juice into the cereal bowl. So it became usual for me to remain in the bedroom and gradually begin my morning routine instead of worrying I might burn the house down by turning on the wrong burner on the stove (been there done that).
If I'm allowed to gradually gather myself within an hour I'm usually myself then but people who have stayed overnight have made the mistake of trying to engage me with verbal interaction and learn I can be unpredictable. I've been known to fade out of the room and seek a quiet corner. It's not meant to be rude I just can't deal with people babbling at me too early in the morning. Of course my husband knows all of this, saint that he is , and has learned to only speak when spoken to. Once I'm talking he knows that my brain is fully functional and it's safe to initiate conversation.
Since I am expected to get myself ready for work I usually pick out what I'm going to wear the night before if possible so I don't have to think about trying to match something in the morning when I'm not at my best. I have also learned from experience that I need at least 90 minutes to get myself on the right track and out the door. By then I'm fine to drive to work and I usually arrive early so I can take some time to unhurriedly get my desk in order before my usual busy day starts.
I guess I am a creature of habit but that is how I have learned to survive not being a functional person in the morning. It would be great if I could sleep until 8:30-9:oo and leisurely meander into the kitchen and have a relaxing cup of decaf tea and maybe watch a little of the Today Show, which frankly I haven't been all that enthralled with lately, especially when they show screaming people as they pan the camera across the crowd and Al Roker starts his shicht. Let's face it I'm kind of a grouch first thing in the morning and my family has learned to adjust to that and stay clear of me. I won't go into further detail but I'm not a good phone talker in the morning so it's not really a good idea to call me before 9:oo especially on weekends because I'm not sure what might be said.


MilesPerHour said...

GAWD! Caffeine is the last drug I can have without killing myself. I don't wanna give it up!

underOvr (aka The U) said...

My dear sister,

"Let's face it...." you really got to the heart of the matter didn't you? Seriously, did you write this after just waking up? Aside from uninterrupted laughter, I kept asking myself, "where in my friend going with this?"

Initially, I'm thinking, ok, she's a self-confessed woman who needs a good deal of sleep and she's not a morning person. You remind me of my wife, who like you wakes up with her eyes still shut! Sitting there on the side on the bed, as if she is waiting for "her next fucntion to be recalled from archival (3-5 min)".

I have no idea what this is like since I hate sleep, succumbing to it only out of necessity.

Thanks for poking a bit of humor in my morning.

I hope you realize that were it not for your blog, I would still intensely hate every team from the Boston area. Oh I guess still hate them...but I no longer practice incantations and I've ceased my ritual of poking things in little "dolls". I'm really sorry about Brady's injury last year.


gaf85 said...

MPH, Would you believe that there are actually people who do not drink coffee. My co-workers can't survive without it and I just drink my green tea. People are very reluctant to cut down on their caffeine consumption as they speed down the hallway all jazzed up.

U, I never claimed to be perfect this just happens to be my special circumstance.
When you are born in Boston you have no choice about being a sports fanatic. Both daughters follow sports as well. They both attended Syracuse University and worship Carmello Anthony and Donovan McNab. My oldest daughter insists she will name her first born child Donovan.
My attitude has been if you can't beat 'em join 'em. I'm not that big into football but will loyally sit in the living room while my husband shouts at the TV. nearly every Sunday. We were not that interested this year in the Super Bowl for alas the Patriots didn't make it without their fearless leader-quarterback Sir Tom Brady.

Madame DeFarge said...

I confess to be fairly perky in the morning, insofar as I can get up and out in about 20 minutes without too much trouble. I can do with about 6 hours sleep, but always need an extra hour on a Saturday to recover from the excitement of the week.

If I sleep in, then I wake up with a pounding head, aching back and general grumpiness that would match yours. It's been easier all round just to get up and out.

You sound more like my husband. I'll make him read this!

gaf85 said...

Madame, It's interesting that couples often have their opposites. Life would definitely be boring if we married someone like ourselves. Luckily my husband is able to over function for me in the AM.